Bad Manners

Over the past years, I have made a number of road trips. I have attended USC road games from coast to coast. I have had the pleasure of enjoying Big-10 games in Iowa, Minnesota, Penn State, Michigan, and Northwestern. In my travels, I have seen beautiful campuses, huge stadiums, talented bands, and entertaining traditions. I have also experienced the best and worst in campus hospitality.


The best places to visit as an opposing team are:

1. Nebraska

2. Notre Dame

3. Arkansas , Alabama (tie)



The Nebraska fans are amazing. I can’t count how many tailgate parties I was invited to. Every single person I met welcomed me to Lincoln. I can’t wait to go back. Notre Dame is my favorite Trojans rival to hate. But South Bend is my favorite road trip. Gorgeous campus, fabulous traditions, and the students are always so eager to make your visit more pleasant. Too bad their team sucks. I will never forget our trip to Arkansas in 2006- Southern Hospitality is not a cliché in Fayetteville. My dad has seen USC play at Alabama twice (1970, 1978), and confirms this hospitality was warm and welcoming there as well. I have fellow USC alums that attended the game in Auburn in 2003 and commented on the classy fans they encountered. I am tempted to think that this applies to entire SEC, but then I remind myself of LSU (see below).



The worst places to visit, I am sorry to say are:

1. Ohio St

2. Virginia Tech

3. LSU



Considering I just got back from Columbus, I feel qualified to comment specifically on the Buckeye’s well-known reputation for hostility to visitors. The details in a moment. Elsewhere, Virginia Tech fans are awful. OK- this is based on two games in DC, but there is no way I am ever going to Blacksburg after the snide comments, open hostility, and druken myopia I’ve experienced. Maybe LSU fans are civil to anyone not named Nick Saban, but as far as Trojans are concerned they just can’t let go of the split national title in 2004. In fact, if you dare print the words “2004 split national title” in a periodical or newspaper, you will immediately receive reams of nasty emails from Baton Rouge.



This weekend, we held a mini family reunion in Columbus. The epic contest between the Buckeyes and Trojans was conveniently located within driving distance of three family epicenters (Iowa City, Ann Arbor, and State College). I have had the displeasure of entertaining Buckeye fans in Iowa City for Hawkeye games and I have heard from others that the Crimson and Grey are usually a bit obnoxious. I assumed it would be worse on their home turf, but I tried to approach the visit with an open mind. I knew I would be reporting my findings here in this column.

It was, sadly, worse than I expected. Outside the stadium, in the two hours prior to kickoff, I was physically assaulted at least twice (two blatant, unprovoked shoves and one shoulder bump that might have been accidental). We heard dozens of insults and trash talking. Mostly along the lines of “You’re going to have a long night tonight” and “USC sucks.” All the more impressive considering that we won 35-3 the previous year. Enough beer has a fascinating effect on reason and perspective. In all that time, we only met two people that were friendly and interested in carrying on a conversation with us beyond a mascot-related slur. One was the mayor of a small town (professional nice) and one was totally blitzed (chemically nice). We even got fleeced by the parking lot dude- he demanded $40 despite standing near a sign clearly saying $20. (why didn’t we just leave and park somewhere else? I wasn’t behind the wheel and wasn’t paying the bill).  Their sign outside the hospital proudly proclaimed that they made it to the "top 21" hospitals in America.  Top 21?  21?   Really?  I can't imagine what spot they got on that list.



We walked along the river (or is it an open sewer?) to the stadium, which is just huge. By the way, after I visit Texas and Tennessee, I will have attended a game in each of the 8 largest football stadiums in the country. Inside the stadium, the pre-game festivities were impressive. The “dotting of the I” done at the end of Script Ohio is the coolest marching band routine I’ve ever seen. And watching the Navy ROTC work the mainsheet of the giant American flag in the end zone, raising it like a spinnaker sail for the national anthem, was also very cool. But my admiration for the Buckeyes ends there. I was very happy to see USC play them tight. I was elated and literally jumped for joy when Joe McKnight saved our butts on the final drive. Matt Barkley grew up in a big hurry in those 95 yards! I was so happy to have won, so glad to hear the silence of 102,000, and so eager to get the Hell out of dodge.

Then I realized we might have to face these bozos again in Pasadena on New Years Day. Crap.



Fight On,

Hans