What to do when it's 0 degrees

Tonight, much of country watched the Frozen Tundra of Lambeax Field with a voyeuristic, ghoulish fascination at playing football in below freezing weather. "Ice Bowl II!" "Isn't great how Brett Favre plays in lousy weather" "Those Packer fans are just amazing" What is easy to forget in the midst of this spectacle that we are enjoying from 70 degree living rooms is that we expect these professional football players to entertain us despite the ridiculous conditions. As an Emergency Physician who has treated more than enough cases of frostbite and hypothermia, I can confidently state that there is simply nothing fun about being outdoors in below freezing weather. Football in 30 degrees and 6 inches of snow? That's pretty darn close to heaven. Football in -25 wind chill? Dangerous. And please tell me who the genius was that put the kickoff after sunset. Boneheads. What would you do if your employer expected you to work outside in conditions that cause tissue injury in a matter of minutes?

Given the extreme conditions common in the upper Midwest in January, many of you probably wonder what we do to survive in the deepest, darkest, coldest days of winter. First of all, outdoor activities are steeply curtailed. Nordic skiing with appropriately expensive designer base layers and high-tech space age athletic apparel can be done, but only on bright, sunny days with minimal wind. Second, all that fat we've been building up since RAGBRAI ended last summer finally is put to good use. Third, we hold winter parties (in lieu of Christmas Parties in December) to enjoy the company of co-workers and neighbors and also get really smashed. Fourth, vacations to Florida, Texas, Arizona, Mexico, and the Caribbean are really popular. Fifth, and most importantly, we justify our newly reclusive never-be-seen-outside lifestyle as "a chance to spend quality time with the family." The volume of quality family time increases exponentially with dropping temperatures.

As we enjoy our quality time with the family, also known as huddling under blankets on the couch while watching TV, we can marvel at Brett Favre's moderate talent but ridiculously brilliant karma. I think we may have enjoyed his gritty determination and youthful spirit for the last time tonight. Mourn not the passing of this legend. All good things must come to an end, including Brett Favre, the cozy comfort of Autumn, and this year's unbelievable year in college football.

The 2007 football season will go down in history as the Year of the Dog. A season made for the Underdog Pool. A season so chaotic that a team won the national championship with 2 losses for the first time ever. A season so bizarre, the record for largest upset in history was broken . . . twice. A season so turbulent that the number 2 team had a 2 - 6 record for the final 8 weeks.

The bard writes that every dog will have his day. There were so many dogs having their day, that even Division I-AA teams pulled off upsets over the top division. North Dakota State managed it twice. And then there was Appalachian State . . .

I want to take this moment to send out a thank you to some of the colleges that made this madness possible. Do you remember theses wonderful upsets? Utah, Iowa State, South Florida, Colorado, Auburn, Kansas State, Iowa, Oregon State, Vanderbilt, UCLA, Rutgers, Alabama, Mississippi State, UConn , Florida State , Illinois, Texas Tech, Arkansas, Texas A and M, and, of course, Pittsburgh.

Finally, special mention needs to made of the three ultimate underdogs. The bronze goes to Syracuse, pulling off a then-record 36-pointer over Louisville. The silver goes to Appalachian State: although it was a mere 28-point upset by the 1-AA national champion, their stunning win over Michigan set the tone for the year and became a buzzword for shocking wins. The gold, reluctantly I might add, goes to Stanford, for the single greatest upset in the history of college football: a 41 point baffler that changed the course of the season, keeping the Trojans out of the national title game and allowing a 2 loss team to win it all.

There is one more thing midwesterners do to survive the bitterly cold winter: shuffle through the darkness to the local basketball arena to enjoy that other greatest sport in the world: college basketball. The Dogs of March starts in 2 months. Get ready.

Fight On,
Hans