Des Moines Knows Beer

Just a picture and a quick note: I had an overnight in Des Moines last week and discovered the "El Bait Shop", a bar based on 1970's Mexico beach bar decor.http://www.elbaitshop.com/  What makes it cool is the EXTENSIVE collection of American microbrews, most on draught (photo).

Next door is the High Life Bar, a turn in the opposite direction.  There, they only serve American beers introduced in the 1970's.  The decor is something out of a Cohen brother's movie, screaming blue-collar and Carter-era Milwaukee.  http://thehighlifelounge.com/story.html

The same group also operates the Royal Mile, a pub specializing in British beers and scotch (http://royalmilebar.com/).  Upstairs from the Royal Mile is the Red Monk, specializing in, hold onto your hats, BELGIAN BEERS!  YAY! (http://www.theredmonk.com/)

Fight On,

Hans

BCS Maddenss and NCAA Hypocrisy

It's official- Cam Newton has won the Heisman in a landslide over runner up Andrew Luck (the second consecutive year a Stanford Cardinal player has finished second in the ballot).  Now only time will tell if the New York Athletic Club will have vacate a trophy for the second time.  Reggie Bush became the first earlier this year when he gave back his trophy because his family received undue benefits when he was playing for USC.  Vince Young, the runner up in 2005, was not given Bush's trophy- the 2005 winner was vacated.  It took 5 years for the NCAA investigation to run its course and for Bush to come to a decision about his trophy (actually the case is still not completely resolved because the appeal process continues and USC officials will next testify to the NCAA next month).  I have to wonder if it will be another 5 years before the Cam Newton controversy is resolved.

The NCAA made a rather odd decision on the Monday before the SEC Championship.  Auburn officials, investigating the reports that Newton's father asked for money to "deliver" Newton to Mississippi State during recruitment, declared the player ineligible.  The next day, the NCAA reversed the decision, saying that there is insufficient evidence that the player knew of his father's actions (all together now: Bull Shit).  Therefore, if a player is unaware of illegal activity by their family or people "representing" them, then the player is cleared for participation.  This, of course, set off a firestorm of outrage and confusion from sportswriters across the nation.

The controversey did not go unnoticed by USC Athletic Director Pat Haden, who expressed confusion about the policy.  Per the LA Times:

"In the Reggie Bush case, when the parent [did] something inappropriate the kid and the school suffered . . . .I was always told the parent is the child, that's what we've been telling our kids. If the parent does something inappropriate the child suffers the consequences."

Haden, not surprisingly, plans to use the Cam Newton decision as part of their appeals testimony next month. 
For now, Cam Newton will play and get a chance to win a national championship against Oregon on January 20th.  Then, he will get drafted into the NFL and make millions.  In the mean time, the NCAA will do its do dilligence and slowly carry out their more compelete review of the allegations.  Several years from now, they may decide that Auburn knew of Cecil Newton's shopping of his son's talents.  Or, as evidenced by the sanctions handed down to USC, Auburn should have known about it.  If so, then the NCAA will punish players that have not stepped onto the field yet; players that have never met Cam Newton or his father.  Hardly seems fair.

Fight On,

Hans

PS: TCU has announced their decision to move to the Big East as of 2012.  I certainly dont blame TCU for seeking a league with an automatic qualifying (AQ) status, much as Utah in their joining of the Pac-12.  What is interesting here is how the move will affect the automatic qualifying status of TCU's current league, the Mountain West, and their future league.  The BCS is in the process of assesing the performance in terms of top 25 finishes for all the teams in the all the leagues.  This is supposed to provide a pathway for non-AQ leagues to enter the BCS, none more so than the Moutain West, home of 2 of the 3 non-AQ "BCS busters", Utah and TCU. 

Get this: the BCS comissioner says that TCU's "data will transfer".  That is a HUGE statement.  What it means is that TCU's recent success (top 10 finishes and 2 undefeated seasons) will count in FAVOR OF THEIR NEW LEAGUE!!!  Yes, dear readers, the Big East, who has another unranked team in the BCS this year (UConn, playing Oklahoma, OUCH), will benefit in having their AQ status PROTECTED becuase TCU will join them in the future.  Dan Wetzel is right- the BCS is all about a few schools protecting their power and their paychecks. 

Really Bad Day

A funny thing happened Sunday morning.  You probably didn't notice it, but I did.  The sun came up, the air was breathable, and there were no cats and dogs living together.  It is very reassuring to learn that after Iowa loses to Minnesota AND USC loses to Notre Dame in the same day, life will, in fact go on.  As RoJo dropped the wide open winning TD pass or as Mitch threw the final game ending interception, I prepared for the End of Days.

Anyway, I know that someone at work was happy about the Domers pulling off the first win over SC since 2001.  I snapped the photos above last month when I happened to park next to a contemporary of my college days.  My car is the one with the USC 93 plate . . . oh . . . you knew that already?  Good.

As an aside, Subarus are very common in Iowa City.  It has more to do wth the adverse weather conditions of the area rather than with the auto preference of a certain sexual orientation group common in our town. 
As described in a Subaru ad, here they dont ask what kind of car you drive, they ask what color is your Subaru. 

I just couldn't resist this one last dig at the Domers.  They have been through some long, lean years, and yet they never lose their spirit.  That is an admirable quality.  They may lose to Navy and Tulsa but they still have some of the best tailgaiting in the Midwest.  If you can't be successful, at least enjoy doing it poorly, as per the Cub fans.

Fight on,

Hans

Football in Exile, Part 2

Consistent with this week's Hans's thoughts, I too was in San Francisco on Saturday. Like Hans, in these situations, I "seek common ground; we seek out ones of our own kind."


To that end, I learned that we can add one more to Hans's list of SF "official bars": The Republic on Scott St. at the corner of Lombard. Owned by a Northwestern alum, the Republic hosts a weekly gathering of Cats fans, including this weekend for our annual "upset" of the Hawkeyes.

Thus, when I arrived at 9 a.m. for the game, I was not surprised to find a group of purple-clad fans already sipping on bloody mary's. (By the way, thank goodness I no longer live on the west coast. How do you folks handle such early games?). However, I was surprised by the sheer quantity of the purple-wearers.


As it turns out, this Saturday, The Republic was not just Ryan Field West. Rather, Saturday also marked the annual match-up of the purple-clad Williams College Ephs and the also-purple-clad Amherst College Lord Jeffs. (Another aside: if Wildcats is one of the most generic mascots, than Ephs and Lord Jeffs may be two of the most bizarre.)

Frankly, I didn't know they even televised the Amherst-Williams game. In fact, I didn't even know they had football teams. But, there they were, courtesy of the Republic and the New England Sports Network.


Thus, on Saturday, I spent the morning at the most obscure gathering of sports fans in America. Northwestern, Williams and Amherst. I love college football.


The Ephs rallied from a 10-10 halftime tie to carry the day in the 125th annual edition of Battle for Northwest Massachusetts by a final score of 31-16.


By the way, I don't know if housing both sides of a rivalry in the same bar is such a good idea. After NU beat Iowa, I headed to the Buena Vista, home of the first Irish Coffee in the US, for an Irish Coffee, obviously. There too was a large contingent of Iowa fans, clad in yellow and Ricky Stanzi jerseys. That I was accompanied by my mom may be the only reason my purple shirt made it out of there still on my back.


This week, it's on to Wrigley Field for the NU-Illinois game, which will host ESPN's Gameday crew. Did I mention I love college football?


Go Cats,


NoahG

Football in Exile

In our wide ranging travels, we often find ourselves in strange cities on game day, away from our beloved home stadium with its grilled bratwurst and autumn leaves. In these cases, we seek common ground; we seek out ones of our own kind. Throughout this country, the binding ties of University life have fostered regional alumni clubs and a network of “official bars” for the gathering of the faithful.


This week, my job took me to San Francisco to speak at the Essentials of Emergency Medicine conference organized by Mel Herbert and USC. (Essentials of Emergency Medicine) I love San Francisco- it is consistently number 1 on my list of favorite worldwide cities (Chicago is #2 followed very closely by Paris and London, LA barely cracks the top 10). I am happy to just walk the streets and see the amazing people here, or taste the wonderful and expensive restaurants, or enjoy the gorgeous views of the bay. I have previously written about the City by the Bay in this blog. Check out “Coldest Winter”: (Coldest Winter)

On this trip, we spent the first few days attending the amazing conference, then going out to dinner and drinks in the evening.  The time was filled with wonderful, warm-fuzzy kind of moments.  We took the streetcar (photo above) to Fisherman's Wharf for dinner at the famous Alioto's, drinks at the Chieftan irish pub, family style dinner at Buca di Pepo, then drinks at Smuggler's Cove.  If you haven't been, Smuggler's Cove is an incredible bar specializing in rum drinks and dedicated to keeping the kitsch Tiki-bar style alive and well (Smuggler's Cove)  And they succeed.  Although it is decorated with the most awful collection of tiki torches, fishing nets, and a two-story waterfall, there is no doubt that it is very cool.  Its the kind of place that is hard to find and you are kinda nervous when you approach the nondescript blacked-out door.  But when you enter, you are very glad you came.  The staff was friendly, engaging, eager to work their rum magic, converting skeptics into fanatics.  I was doing great, pacing myself, trying rums from the far reaches of the Caribbean, and then I ordered a MaiTai.

Crap.

If you have read "Coldest Winter" you'll understand.  You would think I would have learned.

We were together the whole time, one big happy residency family, coming together as a team.  Then Game Day arrived.  Immediately following the conference, we split to the four winds across the hills of San Francisco, each heading for their own "official bar".*

• USC Trojans: Green's Sports Bar, Polk Street
• Nebraska Cornhuskers: Final-Final, Baker Street
• Iowa Hawkeyes: ALSO Final-Final, (boy, that's going to be awkward come next Thanksgiving)
• Oregon Ducks: The R Bar, Sutter and Polk
• Wisconsin Badgers: Ace's Bar, Sutter and Hyde
• Missouri Tigers: uh. . . well . . .they don't have a bar.  Our Tiger alum went along with the Husker and joined the fun at Final-Final.  

As we watched our respective games, Nebraska marched towards the Big 12 north championship, Wisconsin wore out Bucky's arms with a 83 drubbing of Indiana, USC completed its sweep of the Arizona schools, and Iowa got schooled YET AGAIN by Northwestern (poolers, if you haven't figured out to pick this game every year, you haven't been paying attention).  But all these games were overshadowed by what was happening just across the bay from us in Strawberry Canyon. 

Cal has struggled this season to say the least.  They are the only team that made the USC defense look good, and that's embarrassing.  So it seemed that the vaunted Oregon offense could take a week off before hosting Arizona next week.  This game was such a forgone conclusion that none of the usual networks carried the game; it was broadcast on Versus.  (By a remarkable coincidence, this is the same network that carried USC-Stanford two years ago when Stanford was a 45 point underdog.  And we all know how that one turned out)  As the game wore into the 3rd and 4th quarter and the Quack attack had still yet to emerge, more and more heads turned toward that game.  Sorry, Ducks, you should have lost that game; Cal had the winning field goal made before they had to re-kick it.  Oregon better take this second lease on life and run with it all the way to Glendale. 

Fight On,

Hans


*PS:This didn't really happen.  As you all know, the Wisconsin and Iowa games were played in the morning.  I would never let the truth get in the way of a good story.  But the official bar list is accurate.

Wierd Day

The family and I took a day-trip to Chicago last Saturday, and we were away from the TV for most of the games.  Thanks to the wonder of the internet, I was able to stay on top of all the pending upsets (thank you Dearl) and catch up on key events when I got home later that day (thank you ESPN).

I was entranced by the Iowa State - Nebraska tussle in Ames.  This game was particularly significant because it represented the last conference game between the two teams.  They may not play again for a decade or more.  The series, dating back to 1896 and played every year since 1920, has been owned by Nebraska, 85-17-2.  One of those precious few Cyclone wins came last year and spawned one of the greatest locker room celebrations ever (Locker Room Celebration Video).  How would this series end?  Would the Huskers keep rolling on the way to the Big 12 title game?  Or would Iowa State, fresh off of its only win over Texas in history, upset the mighty Big Red?  Go Blue and I thought it could happen, needing every 19 of the points the upset was worth. 

The Cyclones led for much of the game, until Nebraska pulled away, 24-10 in the 3rd quarter.  Knowing the Blackshirt's reputation for defense and the Cyclones lack of an explosive offense, I put away my phone and kissed those 19 points away.  Next thing I know, the game is in overtime, with Nebraska scoring first and kicking the convential PAT.  Iowa State scores on their series in OT and line up for the extra point.  But they go for the win and execute a fake.  The holder lofts a floater to a wide open tight end, but it is snagged by a leaping Blackshirt instead.  Game over.  Series over.  What a finish!

I give Paul Rhoads all the credit for going for two.  That's a great call and most of the Cyclones I have heard from agree.  In a way, this was the perfect ending for the series.  Nebraska needed a win to continue their march toward the title in their last year in the league.  And the Cyclones needed to give them a going away present.  Iowa State succeeded in everyone's hearts.  But not on the scoreboard.  Ross Mathiasen, one of my residents and a Husker, was at the game.  He said this week, "what a weird game."

Aparently, he didn't watch the USC- ASU game.

THAT was a weird game.  In the course of the evening, there was an interception returned for TD's by EACH team, a 100 yard kickoff return by ASU, a blocked extra point returned for 2 points by USC, a couple of missed field goals including hitting the post, and a blocked punt by USC.  Wow!  What a wild ride.  I am was very glad to see USC finally win a close one.

Another wild ride took place in Salt Lake City.  In what was billed as the biggest sporting event in Utah since the Olympics, TCU met Utah in a battle of undefeateds.  Unfortuantely for the Utah fans who had paid several hundred dollars for scalped tickets, the game was ugly early and often.  TCU dominated to become a clear legimate contender for the BCS championship.  There is no way that a one loss team (even from the SEC) will get in ahead of an undefeated TCU.

 Fight on.

Hans




TCU UTAH

Election Day

These Ducks are really, really good.


I spent Saturday night watching USC try to hang with Oregon; and they did, for about 2 and half quarters. But then the Duck offense kept rolling and Matt Barkley and company couldn’t keep up. As the Trojans struggled through the last few painful minutes, I switched over to Titanic, showing on TBS. How appropriate- a story about a excessively opulent anachronism that goes down in a hubris-laden disaster. On this same weekend last year I wrote that Oregon had ended the Carroll era at USC. Not only was I correct, but they are now the standard bearer for the conference. From a completely selfish standpoint, I am glad that the Pac-12 with the two divisions goes into effect next year. That way, we don’t have to play Oregon every year and only need to focus on beating our division opponents: UCLA, the Arizona schools, and Utah/Colorado. If this year is any indication, only Arizona and Utah poses a challenge. Utah will be a tough date and I expect the Utes to win that game for the next couple of years. Utah at Oregon will make a great Pac-12 championship




Iowa had a great game against Michigan State last weekend and climbed back into the Big-10 race. One play from the blowout made ESPN’s top plays for the day: a spectacular one-handed by receiver McNutt. But that was not the best play of the game! The most amazing play, one that is easily the play of the year so far for Iowa, was a bizarre hook and ladder pick-6 interception return for a TD. Check it out here: Sash to Hyde.  What is cool about this play is that pick-specialist Tyler Sash made the grab, and then tossed it behind him to Mica Hyde. Sash could have gone a long way on his own- there was plenty of open field in front of him. But he tossed it to Hyde anyway. Why? Obviously it was something they had practiced before. But also Mica’s brother happens to also play defense for Michigan State. So, Sash ensured that the Iowa Hyde brother got something to brag about over Christmas dinner!



As Iowa and Nebraska met their obligations in cutting the number of undefeated teams down to 5, I stumbled onto ESPN's sportsnation website: http://espn.go.com/sportsnation/polls .  They had a number of polls about the BCS "candidates": the 5 undefeated plus Alabama, asking who should be number 1, who is more deserving, Boise State or TCU, etc.  What is really fun with these polls is to click on the "view map" after you vote and see the regionalization of these topics.  When asked if a one-loss Alabama should be put ahead of an undefeated Boise State, the regions were very clear: everyone in the SEC thinks Alabama should be there and most of the rest of the country picked Boise State. There was one notable result: a majority of voters in Oregon chose Alabama!  I guess the Ducks dont want to lose to Boise State by a knockout like the start of last season!

Fight On,

Hans

Epic Weekend

I apologize for not writing in a while, but the hospital has been keeping me busy. As you peruse the standings, you might notice that most of the House brothers are having a rough year. Our dear leader sits in dead last, even behind Gran. The Underdog pool is a game of skill- the same players often lead the field, like MiniMike and his wife GopherGirl. But the Underdog pool is also a game of inches- a couple of missed field goals here and a few fumbles there and you end up in 38th place like me. But while the leaders scrap and struggle for the few precious points to hold off upstarts RickRob and BShedek, the rest of the us can relax and enjoy the joy of college football for what it is.




What an amazing weekend it was!



Halfway through the season, we were really lucky to get so many top 20 matchups, including two meetings of undefeated teams. I could have watched football all day, so I did. Mostly, I sat in the first aid station at Kinnick stadium, babysitting the drunk freshmen and watching on the monitor the game outside my door: Iowa – Wisconsin.  It was back and forth all game and, as expected, came down to the wire.  In the end, the Badgers played mistake-free ball and earned it.  No trip to Pasadena this year for Hawkeye fans; it looks like another New Years in the Outback or Capitol One bowl. 


I was thrilled to see Missouri put the BCS human vs computer debate to rest with their upset of Oklahoma.  When I looked at the standings, I thought the Sooners were due for a stumble, since they had barely beaten Air Force and Cincinatti.  Now, the national championship race is focused mostly in the west, with Oregon, the TCU/ Utah winner, and Boisie St scrambling for the top.  Auburn, Michigan St, and now Missouri are right behind.  With USC playing Oregon next week, could a number 1 fall for the 4th week in a row?



In anticipation of the Ducks visit to the Coliseum next week, I enjoyed watching their rout of UCLA. Of course, it is always fun to watch UCLA lose. But the artistry with which the Oregon offense moves the ball is nothing short of magical. The statistical accomplishments of that offense is truly astounding. After the first 4 games, they were on a score a minute pace- they had literally scored at least one point for every minute of game time. Right now, they sit at a mere 0.92 points per minute. But I noticed how quickly they scored and how they are constantly trailing in time of possession, so I looked up their points per minute of possession. For every minute the Oregon offense has the ball, they have scored 2.2 points!



I was also thrilled to see the plan for the Pac-12 divisions and excited that it will start next year (Colorado was somewhat in doubt over their Big12 buy out). They kept the teams paired with their rival, but split California schools: USC/UCLA, Arizona/ASU, Colorado and Utah will be the Pac-12 south and Cal/Stanford, Oregon/OSU, Washington/WSU will be the north. Yet they will have a guaranteed crossover for the California schools, so USC will still play Cal and Stanford every year (yes, I want to play Stanford every year- I want every chance I get to get back at that jerk Harbaugh . . . grumble, grumble). It was the best possible result for the LA schools. Most of our games will be within a 6 hour drive, and we get to make a mountain road trip to Boulder or Salt Lake City every year. Best of all for me in Iowa, I now have direct flights to half of USC’s schedule!



The big surprise in the Pac-12 plan came with their championship game. Unlike everyone else, they are not going to hold it at a neutral field! The team with the best record will host the game! So Utah could find itself traveling to Eugene for the first Pac-12 championship game.



What a country!



Fight on,
Hans

Football 2.0

I awoke last Friday to thunderstorms in Las Vegas. The sky was overcast, the ground wet, and the light artificial. I boarded a plane and emerged in Iowa at the end of a perfect Indian Summer day: the sky was crystal clear and robin-egg blue. The light from the slowly setting sun illuminated the farms and fields with a bright enriching glow. The contrast between the dull, hungover depression of Vegas and the vibrant energy of the heartland could not have been more apparent.



Following my week in Vegas, I was happy to get back home. Besides playing with my daughter, I had two ER shifts to work. I was scheduled to be locked up in a plexiglass cubicle during the most exciting three hours of football Saturday night: Oregon- Stanford, Alabama-Florida, USC-Washington, Iowa- Penn State, and Boston College- Notre Dame. With the Iowa game raging just across the street, we expected to be flooded with patients before and after, but be relatively quiet during the game. In reality, the ER was surprisingly calm the entire time- all our patients were too busy watching football.



Enter the blessing of new football technologies.



First, I must give credit to the amazing website Dent Earl has developed. Wow. I am discovering new, wonderful features of that site on a daily basis. I love the graphical analysis of the results and picks. I love the continuous updates during game time. I even appreciate the rotating languages of salutations on the home page. DEARL, you rock! I kept the site open and watched as my picks went down in flames one by one.



Another amazing advance in football entertainment is ESPN3. When I saw the ads for it, I was highly skeptical. I assumed its was yet another subscription service that may or may not work in your area and was not worth the money. I am thrilled to report that I was wrong- not only was I able to get it on my local carrier, but the service is free. That’s right: free. The quality of streaming picture was perfect. And I was even able to select two games to project simultaneously. Even better, the site works in our hospital, behind the vaunted hospital IT firewall.



So there I was, saving lives, curing disease, teaching students, and I hardly missed a snap of the USC-Washington debacle! Different year, different stadium, same kicker and same result. Why didn’t I pick Washington?

Fight On,

Hans



PS: To all the Nitany Lions out there: I am sorry Iowa beat you again. But at least this time the result was never in doubt. The Hawkeyes came through on my promise to put the game out of reach early. I am sure Penn State is happy they get a break from the Hawks for a few years.

Vegas Baby. Vegas

The house always wins.




An enduring mathematical principle related to casino gambling is called “gambler’s ruin”. While you may be adept at calculating the odds of drawing an inside straight with the river card remaining and you may be a whiz with maximizing your probability while holding a “13” while the dealer shows a “7”, you cannot escape gambler’s ruin. The principle has to do with bankrolls. As a player, you have a pre-set gambling budget and, at some point, you will stop playing due to losses. As a casino, you have relatively more infinite resources and will keep playing. Two piles of money, one small and one big. Eventually, the big pile will end up with the money and the other will crawl into their hotel room to sleep off their margarita-induced hangover.



I arrived in Las Vegas Friday night armed with a remarkably valuable tool: the collective wisdom of the world-famous underdog pool. 44 people thinking together will always be smarter than 1. I pulled out the list of popular picks and filled out a parlay card with the 4 top games (Oregon State over Boise State, Central Michigan over Northwestern, NS state over Georgia Tech, and Wyoming over Air Force). Then, because I was feeling clever and very proud of myself, I filled out two more cards: one with purely my opinion and one that was a blend of my picks and the pool’s picks.



You can guess which one of the three came through.



The card with my own picks died quickly when Virginia Tech shut out Boston College 19-0. The hybrid bet did very well, getting 4 of 5 correct, but in parlay bets, close isn’t good enough. The only game I missed was one of my own choosing: I took Texas, giving 7 points with over UCLA. It seemed like a no brainer to me. UCLA had no chance against Texas in Austin! But, dear friends and neighbors, that is why we play the games. That was easily the biggest win of Neuhisel’s Bruin career. The pure-underdog-pool selections came through, with Central Michigan, Oregon State, Wyoming losing by less than the spread and NC State thumping Georgia. I walked away with enough for a nice dinner, happily handing the money back to the casino in exchange for a plate of foie goise with a view of the strip. See: like I said, the house always wins.

Another storyline from this weekend was the Pac-10 asserting itself in a big way. I already mentioned UCLA’s head turning upset of Texas. Stanford rolled over Notre Dame on the road, Oregon State held serve in the track meet with Boise, and Utah, soon to be a member, took San Jose State behind the woodshed 56-3.



When the new rankings were released this morning, I was very pleased to see that Stanford is finally ranked in the top 10 along with Oregon. It’s about time. They whipped UCLA 35-0, beat the living shit out of Wake Forest, and dominated Notre Dame in South Bend. Game Day just made it official: they will be in Eugene next week for this week’s game of the century, Stanford at Oregon.



As evidenced by Oregon, Stanford, and Boise’s rankings, the west coast is finally getting the respect it deserves from the east coast voters. As we enter the conference play part of the season, however, the Pac-10 is going to hurt its reputation when the members start beating on each other. Arizona escaped with a 10-9 win over Cal last night, but there is plenty of blood to be shed in the Pac-10 round-robin Hell. This is the second-to-last incantation of the Pac-10 round robin, with a conference championship game coming in 2012. Just in time for USC to return to Bowl eligibility.



Fight On,

Hans

Yeah, Sure, You Betcha!

We had a great weekend in Minneapolis: a long road trip with Sophie, meals with the extended family, and a long list of sporting events to view. It was one jam-packed weekend of sports for Minneapolis. We saw more jerseys in one 24 period than I care to remember. I am used to traveling to small college towns where the Saturday match is the only game in town. But here in Minneapolis, the Twins faced the A’s for a three game series in a critical pennant race period. On Saturday, the Golden Gophers were hosting the Trojans. And on Sunday, the Vikings faced the visiting Miami Dolphins.

One thing I can clearly say about Minnesotans: they are proud of their unique heritage and won’t miss an opportunity to tell you about their state’s accomplishments. We stumbled out of bed down to the hotel restaurant for some game day pancakes, and were greeted by a menu heavy with local flair. Their game day pancake was a “wild rice pancake served with choke –cherry syrup and Minnesota back bacon.” Honestly, I’m not sure if I know what half of that description says. The conversation revolved around the Twins game the night before, “Have you seen the new stadium (Target Field), it’s really beautiful You really need to go to a game there.” Never mind the fact that I find baseball boring and that I have no attraction to the Twins as a team.

Walking outside the hotel, the locals took the effort to point out the bronze statue of Mary Tyler Moore tossing her hat into the air. Yep- its true, right there on Nicolette Mall; Moore’s perky reporter character drew the attention of the nation to Minneapolis, so Minnesotans are happy to bronze the moment for eternity. Here’s the opening of the show if you don’t remember: Mary Tyler Moore Opening Sequence



We visited the Hennepin public library, an impressive work of modern architecture. The money invested in public literacy and art is a handy reminder that Minnesota is happy to be the number 1 most educated state in the nation (Iowa is number 2). Not content to let Portland monopolize green advancements in city planning, Minneapolis now features bike rental kiosks similar to the successful program in Paris. They have also added light rail to their already impressive transit system, with a train going from downtown to the airport and on to, of course, the Mall of America. How better to get the visitors in and onto the shopping. Kristi and Sophie took the rail to the Mall from downtown and found it to be remarkably convenient.  Best of all, after you get to downtown you can walk to just about any building and never go outside because of the "skywalk" links.  Pretty handy for those famous Minnesota winters.

We made our way across town and across the Mississippi to the campus of the University of Minnesota. The “stadium village” part of town now actually has a stadium, the brand- new TCF Bank Stadium. All the locals couldn’t stop talking about how gorgeous it is (along with Target Field), and they’re right, it is impressive. It’s a comforting blend of modern architecture with the brick façade one expects from a college stadium. The seats are benches, but sufficiently wide for Midwestern butts filled out by a few too many fried cheese curds. The stairs and tunnels have ample room so we never felt crowded or had a bottleneck getting in or out.

The Trojans played better than their previous games; even dare I say played a balanced game in the 4th quarter. Still, their mistake prone defense and ridiculous number of penalties is going to make the Oregon and Stanford games a joke- can we just concede now and move on? Lane Kiffin has plenty of more work to do, even if the abundant team talent is starting to shine through.

After the game we all gathered at Buca Di Bepo for some hearty and filling family-style Italian food.  Minnesotans were again proud to note that the chain started right here in Minneapolis and the "original is still the best, of course."  The next morning, we chose to skip the Walleye hash (there are only so many things you should do with fish, even if it is a local specialty).  Unfortunately, we couldn't get into Key's bakery, famous for their amazing cinnamon rolls.

Minneapolis is a lovely city: a fine place to visit and live.  We had a great weekend and can't wait to do it again.  But I should be careful about stoking the Minnesota ego- they're awfully proud of themselves already. 

Fight On,

Hans

PS: Yes I saw the ending of the Notre Dame- Michigan State game.  It was one of those rare moments that makes college football great, like Boisie State's hook and ladder and statue of liberty in the Fiesta Bowl.  It was almost worth having a heart attack over (Yahoo Story).  Get well soon, Coach Dantonio- the Spartans come to Iowa City on October 30th and I am the doctor at the game.  I don't want to be doing CPR in the locker room. 

I love my job

I love my job.



I had the pleasure drawing the night shift for Friday and Saturday night on the weekend of the Iowa-Iowa State game. This is arguably Iowa’s biggest rivalry game, ahead of Minnesota and Wisconsin (but soon to be outpaced by the “farmageddon”* that will be Iowa-Nebraska). For the state, this is the most important sporting event of the year. Just as in Los Angeles where every home can be identified as blue or red on the day of the USC-UCLA game, Iowans hang out their black or red this week. Also as in LA, many homes have split allegiances- this game pits brother against brother, daughter against mother, and uncle against cousin. For Iowa State, they pretty have a two game season: Iowa and Nebraska. Considering their usual level of football achievement, they don’t have much else to look forward to (I better be careful- my Program Coordinator is a pooler and a Cyclone and reads this blog).

[* credit: Pat Forde, ESPN]



The Saturday of the Iowa – Iowa State game, when played at home in Kinnick Stadium, is the ER’s busiest day of the year (just ahead of black Friday with all those shoppers trampling each other to get to the $30 blue ray players). And I got the night shift- sweet! I screwed my courage to the sticking place, arranged for some extra medical students to sew up the many lacerations, and poured a double mocha in preparation.



Friday night wasn’t too bad. Just the usual overnight ER crazies. Soon after my shift started at Midnight, the place was completely full, and we sent out the students in teams to tackle the lacerations and broken legs and other delicious trauma. We saw the usual heart attacks, strokes, and brain bleeding. There were college women with bladder infections, young men with toothaches, and nursing home patients with falls. Nothing too wild and it all moved through fairly efficiently. We had the place cleaned up nicely by 6 am.



I returned home and got to work immediately on the Game Day pancakes, which taste even better when you are tired and hungry. I also put bratwurst in the slow cooker to simmer while I slept (recipe below). I went to bed at 8 am, and slept the dreamless, comatose sleep of the mentally and physically exhausted. It felt as good as sleeping off a margarita hangover after a Jimmy Buffett concert, but without the toxic side effects.



I awoke at 2:36pm to the smell of cooked brats and the sounds of Hawkeye football. I piled the brats onto buns and mustard (spicy brown of course, no French’s here) and collapsed onto the couch to watch all the games (the brats are even better with a dark beer, but I had another shift in a few hours). Fortunately for me, the geniuses at the networks had stacked all the great games into the same time slot: Iowa – Iowa State, Ohio State- Miami, Florida State- Oklahoma, and Michigan – Notre Dame. Besides Penn State – Alabama and my beloved yet inept Trojans, those were the only games of the day I had any interest in. Sure, most turned out to be dogs, but how often do you get three national championship rematches in one day! (Ohio St/Miami, Florida St/OK, Penn St/Bama) For bonus points, can you name the years for each?*



I headed back to work early, at 8pm, because I knew there was a bad moon rising. The university has instituted a new policy of limiting tailgating in an effort to reduce binge drinking. We will have the scientific results on its effectiveness later this year, but early anecdotal reports suggest that we have less drunks getting into trouble at the game. As I walked into the ER Saturday night, I wondered if this means we will have less drunks getting into trouble outside the game.



[*2003, 2000 , 1979]



Uh . . . . that would be a no.



The “grease board”, or list of patients in the ER, was covered in complaints related to trauma, assaults, and yes, alcohol. (We haven’t used a grease pencil on the grease board since 2004) I gathered my slightly smaller, slightly less enthusiastic team of students and waded into the fray. After four hours of broken noses, cut feet from broken bottles, and more car accidents than I can count, I thought we had the place under control.



Then the bus unloaded . . . again.



Around 2 am, the waiting room filled completely with more lacerations, more accidents, and a few weird medical cases (what happens in a town full of bars at 2am? Hmmm). There was the worst case of “flesh eating bacteria” that I have seen in a while. We had an old man try to bleed to death from a ruptured kidney (not fun). And we had a couple of really bad, really deep lacerations that the patients just couldn’t explain. One man cut his elbow down to the muscle, alongside the dozens of parallel superficial cuts that are characteristic for a borderline personality . . . er . . . I mean “emotional intensity” disorder. When asked repeatedly what happened, all he would divulge is that he and his friends were “playing with knives.” There you have it kids: don’t play with knives.



Another woman presented with multiple lacerations on her left hand that she says happened when a glass broke in her hand. On a day with so much imbibing, that story is not unusual. But what was weird is that her hands, feet and part of her chest were covered in dried blood. It was quite a bit more than I would expect for a simple cut on the hand. As we went about cleaning her up, there was a palpable sense of conflict in the room between the patient and her husband. We found more cuts on her hand, legs, and one on her buttock (I still can’t explain that one). In the two and half hours it took to clean and close all the wounds, my medical student wisely asked about domestic violence. Just as with the man who played with knives, we never got a clear answer. The man left part-way through the treatment and it was obvious that he was at least partially at fault in the accident that caused the glass to break. But I think there were more than one or two glasses. The woman, although very upset, had the clarity of thought to call her mother into the ER and went home safely to mom’s. There is no mandatory reporting in Iowa for domestic violence, but the woman was encouraged to seek help and protection if needed.



This case, along with the man with the knife to his elbow, made me reconsider my role as a physician. Normally, I take care of whatever injury people incur, protect the children and elders with the force of the law, but let responsible adults go their own way and make their own choices. Here were two consenting adults that were in situations increasing their risk of harm. Should I remain on the sidelines as I always have? Or should I intervene myself in their lives to promote their security? I am still uncertain on the answer, so I have maintained the default and have done nothing. But these two cases made me think about it.



I love my job.



Fight On,

Hans



Bratwurst Recipe:

(this is made for a large crock-pot. For smaller units, use half the quantities)



1 dozen fresh, uncooked bratwurst

1 large onion, chopped

3 tart apples, peeled, cored, chopped

1 jar sauerkraut

1 bottle really good dark beer, like Guinness

3 – 4 cans really cheap ass beer, like Keystone light



Combine all the ingredients in a large slow cooker, cook on low for 6 hours. Remove the brats (they will be starting to fall apart- that’s OK) and reserve the cooked onion/apple/sauerkraut mixture. Serve the brats with buns, mustard, and a few spoonfuls of the cooked sauerkraut. For a more smoky flavor, try finishing the cooked brats for a few minutes on a hot grill. If you don’t have 6 hours to cook the brats, you can brown them in oil first, then cook on high for 4 hours in the slow cooker. The low and slow approach is definitely tastier!

The First Games

Wow!  What an opening weekend!

Sure, we didn't have a slew of upsets, and props to the poolers who managed to pick one of the couple of dogs to win.  But we had some great games!  Utah's thrilling win over Pitt was the appetizer.  Michigan and Notre Dame each opening their seasons well made for a decent soup and salad.  Our entree of the TCU-Oregon State slugfest was delicious.  And oh, what a dessert!   To open the season with a championship-quality match like Virginia Tech - Boise State, to go down to the wire, to have so much riding one game- the first game.  Wow.

Another first occurred last weekend- I took Sophie to her first football game.  It was a pretty special moment.  We talked about it all week, and Sophie picked out her outfit days before.  On the day prior to the game, Iowa held its annual Fryfest, a celebration honoring legendary coach Hayden Fry.  There were brats, beer, Hawkeye t-shirts, music, and black and gold everywhere.  When Fry's teams won a big upset, they had a tradition of dancing the hokey pokey in the locker room.  This year at Fryfest, the organizers planned to break the world record for number of people dancing the hokey pokey at one time.  I am happy to report that we pulled it off, with over 7200 dancers, Sophie and I among them.

On Saturday, we awoke to the wonderful aroma of game day pancakes.  We parked by the mall, then walked to the train.  Iowa City has a train that runs from a remote parking area up into the neighborhood around the stadium.  I think Sophie enjoyed the train more than the game.  Maybe next time we will might ride the train back and forth all day!

The game was . .  well. . .. it was not Boise State - Virginia Tech.  In fact, I couldn't see much of the action at all- I was too busy fetching pretzels and keeping Sophie from jumping off the bench.  But it was so worth it. 

I can't wait for next time.

Fight On,

Hans

Ready for Autmun

Kurt, the big dog, and Joyce stopped by my house this week on their way out to California to move to Napa Valley.  It is wonderful to have relatives in Napa Valley; we visit for Thanksgiving or Christmas and get a wine-tasting vacation out of it.  Not to mention the totally sweet inside info Kurt will be passing along to me on which winery clubs to join. 

But I digress.  Kurt's visit and the recent weather have me thinking about only one thing: football.

As did the Northeast and the Southwest, Iowa had been mired in an awful heat wave this month.  Although summer in Iowa can be miserable on occasion, August is usually pleasant.  But this month's heat indexes of 110+ on a daily basis began to wear on my soul.  The skillet-like searing heat from my leather car seats sucked my will to live.  Then suddenly, on Tuesday, August 17th, the air cooled, rain fell, and the sunlight vanished.  And it was wonderful.  I slept comfortably for the first time in weeks,  Despite the rain, every one's mood improved.  Why?  Two reasons: 1) People were not miserably hot for once and 2) It reminded everyone of a cozy Saturday at Kinnick stadium with 70,000 of your closest friends.

The gentle warmth of summer sunshine is wonderful, but the oppressive Midwestern humidity is miserable.  Give me the warm afternoons and cool evenings of autumn anytime.  As my friend at work says, "hoodie sweatshirt weather is the best!"  I walked my dogs last night after sunset under a bright full moon, with the cicadas humming in the trees, deafening vuvuzelas of nature, calling the end of summer and the start of the great season.

Amid the fading summer, Kurt and Joyce came to visit.  Eager to show them the best flavors of Iowa, we greeted them with classic Chicago style deep dish pizza, a heavenly pie an inch deep in cheese.  The resulting atherosclerosis is completely worth it.  For lunch the next day, we cooked up five dollars of Iowan gold: a baker's dozen ears of corn.  The best method is to remove the silk, wet the ears, and then throw them on the grill in the husks and all.  About 10 minutes and one turn later, and the moisture in the husks has steamed the corn perfectly.  Add butter, butter, and more butter and you're ready to pack on more coronary clot started from the pizza the night before.  For dinner, we completed the culinary extravaganza with some Iowa pork.  Yes, most pig eaten in this country comes from Iowa, but we keep the good stuff for ourselves.  Washing it down with a 2004 Stag's Leap Cabernet didn't hurt either. 
Naturally, talk at dinner centered around football.  Mostly, the many possible arrangements for the new Big-10 divisions (see my plan below) and the future promise of Pac-12 road trips to Colorado and Utah.  We shared tales of college football traditions, or underdog pool lore, and plans for road trips this year.  We sent Kurt and Joyce driving off into the the sunset, headed for South Dakota, the Badlands, Mount Rushmore, and, of course, Wall Drug.  Sated by the final summer meal, comforted by the cooling weather, and tempted by anticipation of another great season.

7 more days.  I can't wait.  And Sophie gets her first football game on September 4th.

Fight On,

Hans

PS:  The current talk in the Big-10 offices centers on trying to "game" the divisions so that Michigan and Ohio State can meet in the championship game.  Yes, they are two most common league winners, but I think this manufacturing of a title game is a mistake.  What happens if one of the two (say, just for argument's sake, Michigan) goes through a long dry spell?  And clearly, they need to play each year.  Hence this idea of a "one guaranteed crossover game".  Weird.  Works for Michigan and Ohio State, but Iowa has two rivals, Minnesota and Wisconsin.  With the addition of Nebraska, we have a third.  And yes, you have to pair Nebraska - Iowa.  I can not emphasize enough how stoked the pig and corn farmers are about that game.  To best preserve rivalries and ease of travel to games, I would split the conference by time zones: if your school is in the Central time zone, you play in the central division.  If your school is in the eastern time zone, you play in the Eastern division.  The league would be split like this, with pairs of rivals:

Central

• Iowa - Nebraska
• Minnesota - Wisconsin
• Northwestern - Illinois

Eastern

• Ohio St - Michigan
• Michigan St- Penn State
• Indiana - Purdue

I know what you're thinking: that's crazy, the eastern division is way too loaded.  Yes, but so is the Big 12 south!  Actually, if you look at the last 20 years, it turns out that Eastern members have won or tied for the title 22 times, yet Central teams have won or tied 17 times (counting the 5 times that Nebraska played for the Big 12 title).  That's not too bad.

Conference Upheavals

What an amazing week for college football!

It is not often that college football makes such frequent, numerous, and stunning headlines in June!  This is supposed to be the season for MLB, enjoying another Lakers-Celtics series, awarding Lord Stanley's Cup, and, this year, watching the "world's game" from South Africa.  But NCAAF grabbed the nation's attention with expansion, sanctions, destruction of the Big 12, and, now, the saving of the Big 12 (well, now ten, but who's counting anymore).

The addition of Nebraska to the Big 10 is a natural fit.  I know they have been pretty bitter since the origin of the Big 12 that revenue is not evenly distributed- Texas really collects more than enough to keep Bevo fed.  But now they will share in the deep pocket wealth of the Big-10 network and gives the network a team with a national fan base. With all due respect to Cyclone fans, the Nebraska - Iowa State games were never that thrilling for the Cornhuskers.  But everyone in Lincoln and Iowa City is simply thrilled about the upcoming annual "Corn Bowl".  If nothing else comes of the conference re-alignment, the Iowa - Nebraska games will . .. .be . . .  legendary.  My basement guest room is available- let me know if you want to travel to the first Corn Bowl in 2012!

Meanwhile, on the left coast, the Pac-10 tried to raid the Big-12 with ambitious plans to assemble the all-star super conference.  I love the addition of Colorado- like Nebraska, they have been fighting for the scraps from Bevo's trough since the Big 12 inception.  Now, they join the egalitarian Pac-10 to see an even share of the Rose Bowl payout.  As was specified by the quality demands of the league, Colorado is a member of the AAU (of note, Utah is not AAU, but neither is Oregon State and Arizona State, so this is not a deal breaker for further expansion, Utes)

But Texas and her ladies-in-waiting decided to stay put after all.  I wish I had written this blog last weekend, when I began to suspect that Texas would say no to the Pac-10.  Why should they move west?  They have a pretty sweet deal as it is.  And now they have two less teams to help support?  There is even talk of starting a U- Texas TV network- sorry, no Bevo TV for me!

The other big news, of course, is the USC sanctions.  We all knew they were coming, we just didn't know how bad the wrist slap was going to be.  With 30 scholarships and a 2 year ban, it turned out to be more of a hay maker.  Ouch.

The reaction from Trojan Nation was swift and severe.  My Facebook friends list exploded with comments, which might be summarized by the following:  1) We deserve some punishment.  2) This is primarily Reggie Bush's fault.  3) The NCAA went too far.  4) Mike Garrett or Pete Carroll or the NCAA is the Anti-Christ.

I read most of the report myself and I was struck by several things.  First, the language used by the NCAA is just about as unintelligible as that spoken in academic medicine.  Next, the behavior of Reggie and his family was shockingly unethical, but it took several pages of digging to find the offense USC committed as an institution.  I as I read it, one assistant coach knew about Bush's benefits and should have sounded the alarm.  I also sensed a hint of hypocrisy: the report railed against USC's actions that "struck against the heart of amature sport" yet the committee "considered" and did not impose a TV ban.  So, the money that USC's TV appearances generate is good enough for the NCAA's coffers but not for the atheletes they exploit to get it.

Don't get me wrong- I fully acknowledge the institution had "lost control".  But the scope of the infractions that were proven (and maybe that's the point- there is an assumption that many more existed), does not seem to deserve the worst punishment since SMU's death penalty.  The latest required reading to fly off Facebook land is an editorial by a USC journalist: http://usc.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=1094248.  I may not agree with all of his points, but his play-by-play comparison to Miami's sanctions of the mid-90's is interesting.  Also, if players families are not to get any more benefits than any other students, should we examine the tithe rate at Daddy Tebow's church in Florida before and after the Heisman win?

I may be trying to play down the seriousness of USC's crime, but I will not write here defend our Athletic Director.  In my end of the season column about Uncle Pete leaving (Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road), I criticised Mike Garrett for hiring Lane Kiffen, a man known to have committed recruiting violations the moment he set foot in Tennessee, on the eve of NCAA sanctions sure to include probation.  Now, he has gone too far.  Last Thursday, on the day the sanctions were announced, Garrett addressed a dinner for boosters in San Francisco.  To a large room, he actually said, "As I read the decision by the NCAA, all I could get out of all of this was … I read between the lines and there was nothing but a lot of envy, and they wish they all were Trojans,”

Being an employee and a manager at a university, I know that demonstrating grossly unethical behavior is grounds for immediate dismissal.  Garrett should be fired immediately.  There is no excuse for being so flippant at a moment of such national scrutinity.  Garrett is not just some drunk frat boy or one of my facebook friends, he is an university official.  And not just that- he is the HEAD OF THE ATHLETIC DEPARTMENT!  The only person more responsible for responding to the report is the USC president.  So the new president, Max Nikias, who takes office in August, should take the next logical step and show Garrett the door. 

So what does the current team do now?  Kiffen has his work cut out for him: not only does he have to follow the second most successful coach in USC history, not only does he have to prove that his only two prior head coachng stints were flukes, but now he has to recruit with 10 less scholarships to award each year.  The freshman are stuck- they face a deteriorating recruitment base and a tougher leage by the time they are juniors and seniors.  Seniors can jump ship now, but they are just looking ahead to the NFL draft.  What is left to play for?

In Major League, when the Cleveland Indians learned they would fired at the end of the season regardless, Catcher Tom Berringer replied, "Then there is only one thing left to do. . . Win the whole fucking thing."

USC will keep thier 2003 championship- it was an AP title and the NCAA has no juridiction.

USC will keep their 2004 championship- no, not that crystal football thing, I mean the AP title they ALSO won that year.

And, if they run the table, and there are no other undefeated teams, they can win the AP title for 2010.

Fight On,

Hans

PS: The World Cup sucks.  Sorry, Kurt, I really tried to watch it.  But between limited scoring (only Germany-Austrailia exceeded 2 goals aside), uncertainty when the game actually will end thanks to "added time" (ask Slovakia about that after their draw with New Zealand), and the vuvuzelas, I just can't take it.   Watching the USA- England with a hornet's nest buzzing the ENTIRE TIME, I started to get a headache.  The game was more enjoyable on mute.  I got a Facebook post from a friend in South Africa- he said the match was one of the best sporting event he had ever seen.  OK- USA's win over Columbia in Pasadena ranks in the top 10 for me.  But my friend noted the fans singing "America the Beautiful" and the dancing.  Sorry- I missed that on TV.  I only heard the hornet nest drowning out my will to live.  Lose the horns, people.  Then maybe I'll watch again.  Maybe.

Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road

The golden lane to football heaven has abruptly ended. Like the children on the cover of Shel Silverstein's classic Where the Sidewalk Ends, I am trembling as I peer down into the unknown. both fearful of the change that is upon me and insatiably curious about what the future may hold.

First, I must explain why this blog is so late. It is simply becuase the story keeps changing. I sat down last week to write a nice travelogue about Los Angeles, describing a picture-perfect 48 hours in West LA including sensory overload with Avatar 3D on IMAX and the worlds greatest sushi. Then, reports began to circulate that Pete Carroll was leaving USC for the Seattle Seahawks.

Annually, around this time of year, the LA Times climbs all over itself claiming that Carroll is leaving for the NFL. Yes, every year since about 2004. If you believe the Times collumnists, Carroll has signed with Arizona, San Francisco, Miami, and the Raiders twice. Pretty much wherever USC's top draftee goes, the Times thinks that Carroll is going with him. And every year, Carroll releases a statement that he is happy at USC and is not going anywhere. And the news calms down by February and we all start to focus on the NFL draft.

But this time, there was no accompanying denial from Carroll. So I sat up and took notice, quicky moving from "denial" to "anger". Why is he leaving now? That jerk! One bad season and he jumps ship? What a wimp! I had just come to grips with not winning the Pac-10 every year and now Uncle Pete is gone?

Then I read that it's "not a done deal" and "he won't be team president" of the Seahawks. With still no comment from Carroll, I moved into "barganing": if Carroll doesn't get the full control of the team from Seattle that he wants, he won't leave, right? Nice thought, but it was confirmed a day later that he really is leaving and he said goodbye to his players with a text message. (Definition of cruel: dumped by text message, as in Up in the Air).

At this point, I was slipping into "depression" (the 4th of the 5 stages) and, worse yet, my vacation was ending and I would soon have to face the invetiable questions at work: "What do you think about Pete leaving?", "No more Pete Carroll, huh?", "What is USC going to do without Pete Carroll?", and "What flavor of hemlock would you like to drink?"

The question I struggled the most with is why. Why leave USC for the NEL? Is it the money? He's the second highest paid NCAA coach (and rumor has it that he has a contract clause making him the highest paid every year so was due for a raise thanks to Mack Brown of Texas). Is it the attention? LA is a pretty big media market- bigger than Seattle. Is it the challenge? Maybe- Carroll was not very successful in the NFL, so maybe he believes he needs another shot. USC was his first college head coaching job and it turned out that his "rah-rah" style is well suited for the college game. Then that begs the obvious question, why would Seattle want to hire him? Sure, he is one of the biggest celebrity coaches in the world, so it would bring some much needed hype to their struggling team. But does that mean he can coach? Seattle fans were pretty mixed about the hire when discussing it on the radio talk shows in the days following the announcement.

That leaves us with the question of the looming Reggie Bush sanctions. Time for a little digression: remember Reggie Bush? The Reggie Bush before he donned the black and gold of the Saints and starting dating Kim Kardashian, a woman famous for . . . dating Reggie Bush. Bush's performance against the Arizona Cardinals is what I am talking about - it reminded me of Reggie back in the day, when he juked Fresno State for that brilliant cutback touchdown.

But anyway, the point is that following the Bush era at USC, Yahoo Sports uncovered a string of unpleasant dealings between his family and a San Diego sports agent. They received, among other things, cash, cars, and a rent free home. We all expected a major brew-ha-ha with the NCAA and sat holding onto our hats waiting for the storm.

But nothing happened.

Bush had graduated, he deftly avoided giving a deposition in the case, and USC was "complying with the investigation." As the months, then years, dragged on, I wondered if anything was to come of the investigation. Since no news agency except Yahoo Sports reported any original information on the case, I began to wonder about the validity or significance of the story. Every news outlet, from Sports Illustrated to ESPN, stated that "Yahoo Sports reports . . . " I was surprised no one interviewed the agent making the allegations indpendently. Maybe that's significant, maybe not.

Now it seems that the NCAA will actually do something about these violations. Reports (by more than just Yahoo) indicate that USC will meet with the NCAA in late February. The timing of this is interesting- is Pete Carroll bailing just as the dreaded sanctions finally are handed down?  I reached the final stage: acceptance.

Then, just as I pulled out my laptop to start writing this, the story changed again.  Lane Kiffin was announced as the new head coach. 

Whoa- where do I start with this one?

Is this a good hire?  A "celebrity" coach with a well-known personality and someone with USC connections.  Or is this a bad hire?  A controversial trouble maker taking his third coaching job in three years.  The LA Times poll results were split evenly.  For me, I was disappointed at first.  Although Kiffin was part of the team of assistants that led USC to consecutive titles in 2003 and 2004, he was not my favorite coach.  He had the unfortunate role of taking over as Offensive Coordinator from the legendary Norm Chow.  I thought the USC offense didn't regain its ingenuity until Kifin left for the Raiders and Steve Sarkisian took over the play calling.  Interesting fact about that move: Sarkisian was offered the Raider job first, and declined it, opening the door for Kiffin.  Sarkisian held out for a college head coaching job, which he got at Washington this year and proceeded to make the most of it.

Kiffin, as we all know, was soon fired by the Raiders with Al Davis calling him a "liar".  We all took this to be the usual mad ravings of the senile Oakland GM, but maybe there is somethng to it.  After only one season with Tennessee, he leaves the program and its recruits behind.  The Volunteer fans react by rioting in the streets and burning mattresses.  Not classy, but understandable.   And he brings with him to USC his dad and Defensive Coordinator, Monte Kiffin, and Line Coach and recruiter Ed Orgeron.

At this point in the story, I show my first smile in a week.

Ed Orgeron is back?  AWESOME! Coach O is well known and well loved by all the USC players and students.  He is the loudest, scariest, coolest coach ever.  When he left USC after the 2004 BCS Championship to coach Mississippi, we wished him luck and were sorry to see him go.  When Kiffin took the Tennessee job, he pulled a minor coup by getting Coach O to join him. And the quality of recuiting was immediately apparent- the Volunteers shot up to the top 10 in recruitung classes.  In fact, other SEC coaches were a little annoyed that Orgeron was helping this young upstart fill the ranks in Knoxville. 

But there is a down side to the good recruiting results.  He seems that Kiffin and Orgeron are slightly less than ethical about their practices.  Maybe it was just being green and not clear on all the rules, maybe it was intentionally flaunting the NCAA stiff restrictions, but Kiffin racked up several minor NCAA violations in is short Volunteer tenure.  He earned a slap on the wrist from the NCAA and the ire of the SEC commissioner, who had to repeatedly discipline Kiffin and his big mouth.

But, in the end, Kiffin (ex-offensive coordinator), dad Monte (defensive genius the best part of Tennesse's performance this year), and Orgeron (ex-line coach) are all coming to LA.  From a coaching standpoint, this is EXACTLY what the Trojans need.  Most of us die-hard fans, frustrated with the inconsistent play this year, felt that Carroll had lost too much of his assistant coaching talent to other jobs (like Norm Chow at UCLA and Steve Sarkisian at Washington).  Now, two of the peices were coming back, bringing the great Monte Kiffin with them.

And a report began to circulate that a deal was in the works to steal Norm Chow from UCLA!  Wow!  This is too good to be true,

Uh . . . yes. . . is it too good to be true.  Chow used the turmoil at USC to pressure the University of California regents to boost his contract, becoming one of the only state employees this year to see more, not less, money every payday.  But if Chow had come back to USC, he could have mentored Matt Barkley into Chow's 4th QB Heisman trophy (the others were Ty Detmer at BYU, Carson Palmer, and Matt Leinart).  Don't choke on your bratwurst, Hawkeye fans- you know that's true.

Ok- back to Lane Kiffin and USC.  Now remember how I wondered why Carroll would leave now.  And that the NCAA may be finally getting around to the Bush sanctions next month.  And that Kiffin had a few minor violations in his brief time at Tennessee.  So that should make us all ask: WTF is Mike Garrett thinking?

Mike Garrett is USC's Athletic Director and first Heisman Trophy winner, most famous for being the person who hired Pete Carroll.  More recently, questions have been raised about sacrificing academics and recruiting ethics in pursuit of the almighty dollar.  Exhibit A: OJ Mayo.  Mayo was the top basketball recruit two years ago and NBA rules required him to play one year of college before truning pro.  To everyone's shock, he picked USC over anywhere else in the country.  Tim Floyd, the USC basketball coach at the time, claimed that Mayo "came out of nowhere" and "contacted him".  It turns out that a $1000 pay off to one of Mayo's advisors (read: agent, but college players aren't allowed to have agents) was what landed the one-year star.  Mayo left, Floyd resigned, and the innocent players on the very-overachieving Trojans squad this year are left to suffer the punishment of not being eligible for post-season play (despite being 1/2 game out of first with wins over Arizona, ASU, and UCLA!)

On the Friday before the Pete Carroll story broke, USC starting RB Joe McKnight announced he was leaving early for the NFL.  Apparently, the Land Rover he was driving around town that he had "borrowed" from a friend just happenned to belong to OJ Mayo's "advisor".  Eeek- this is really starting to stink.

In the atmosphere of allegations, looming sanctions, and deterorating ethics, Garrett wants to bring in a coach famous for making trouble and being a "liar"?  WTF?  Oh, yeah- USC's President, Steven Sample, is retiring this year.  I have a feeling a new President may want to clean up Garrett's offices at Heritage Hall

I have a theory.

Getting some key assistant coaches back is the best part of the whole ugly, awful mess.  Kiffin can't possibly fill Carroll's shoes and will relentlessly be compared to him.  If the NCAA sanctions are harsh, Kiffin may struggle even more.  Best case scenario, Carroll's recruits thrive under Kiffin and son's system and compete for the Pac-10 title the next few years.  Worst case scenario, we lose to Notre Dame AND UCLA this year and alumni start grumbling.  Maybe Kiffin lasts 3 years before being asked to resign.  Just about the time the NCAA sanctions run their course.

By then, Norm Chow will be ready to move over from UCLA, Steve Sarkisian will be ready to come back from Washington, and maybe the Seattle Seahawks will be looking for a new coach.  Welcome home, Uncle Pete!

Call it insatiable optimism, myopic fandom, or being stuck in the barganing phase of dying, but I can be allowed to dream.

Fight On and thanks for a great year, poolers!

Hans